"Marry the man that buys you bananas.
I know that sounds weird.
Why bananas? Why not a man that buys you flowers? Or jewelry?
I will tell you why.
Because when you’ve been married for a while, you go through a lot of stuff together. And sometimes that stuff can make or break you.
Circumstances that test your patience and things that test your love.
Not things that test how much you love, but how you give your love. Your time. Yourself.
Marriage is a partnership. It’s a see-saw. If both people aren’t moving together, it doesn’t work. There are sacrifices you must make. There is understanding and patience and acceptance. A lot it acceptance.
Accepting the differences between you, accepting that you will do the same thing in different ways, accepting of one another’s habits and quirks and little nuances that can sometimes drive you crazy and accepting that you are each unique individuals with your own strengths and weaknesses, talents and gifts.
And with acceptance, comes unconditional love. And that is the love upon which families are built.
Like many families, we are in the thick of it right now. Three kids under the age of eight with a decent gap between the oldest and youngest.
Between school, sports, therapy for our middle child on the spectrum and everything else in between, my husband and I are spread thin.
We are both running on empty. We haven’t had a date night in months and our evenings usually consist of a quick kitchen clean up and early turn in for bed.
I sent my husband a grocery list for his ride home because the day was tough and I didn’t get a chance to go. About forty minutes later I realized we were out of bananas. I called him to ask if he could grab them.
'Are you sure we don’t have any?' his voice sounded tired.
'No,' I snapped back feeling upset he would even ask that. 'Please don’t forget them before you check out.'
By the time he got home it was later than I anticipated. The kids were wild and I was mentally spent and frustrated by his delay. He came in with the groceries but the bananas were in a different store bag.
'Why are there two different bags?' I asked him.
'I was already checked out when you called. I wanted to get home early because I know you had a tough day. So I had to make another stop because I know we needed them.'
And that’s when my anger subsided and my guilt set in for getting frustrated with him. I gave him a hug and with a kiss on the forehead, we didn’t need to speak the words…he knew I was sorry and I knew he had forgiven me.
You see, every night my son on the spectrum has a banana. It’s just part of his routine. So to be out of bananas causes utter meltdowns. My husband knows this. So he made the extra stop.
He made the extra stop because he loves and he cares. And our ways of loving and caring may be different at times, but that’s what makes us a team. And over the years, we’ve learned to accept this in one another.
Marriage isn’t just about flowers and grand gestures. Marriage is so much more than that. Marriage is weathering storms together, big storms.
It’s being a shoulder to cry on when a parent dies. It’s hand holding in silence on the couch after a long day. It’s about finding a way to connect, even if that connection is a simple smile from across the room.
And sometimes, marriage is about buying the bananas.
So marry the man that goes out of his way for you. The one that still opens your car door and acts like a gentleman. The one that shows you in his own way how much he loves you. The one that tries to surprise you by coming home from work early because you’ve had a tough day, even though his was equally tough.
Marry the man that buys you bananas. I promise you that you won’t be disappointed."
Credit: New Adventures in Motherhood